"No" means no, Mr. Wallaby.

Wallabies are weird, man. Especially in the genitalia department.

Example 1: Male wallabies generally have bifurcated penises. I couldn't find a good picture of it for you, so just imagine a snake's tongue in penis form.

Example 2: A wallaby's penis is behind its testicles.

Example 3: Wallaby testicles are huge. And they are mobile. So if a wallaby is just chilling, munching on some greens or whatever, his balls will just flop on the ground (to keep them cooler than the rest of the body for sperm productiony reasons), and it's crazy looking. Then, if the wallaby decides to go for a jump-around, he sucks them up so far that you can't even see them anymore (this mode is to protect his goods). It just blows my mind. It's like a superpower.

See what I mean?

Here's a closer view just because I know you guys find this as fascinating as I do. I mean, who wouldn't? Oh, wait.. that's right.. normal people. They wouldn't.

So why I am I telling you these things? Well. This is why:

One day during the camp's off-season, I was going around taking care of the animals (this was when I first started volunteering there). I went into the wallaby area just minding my own business, cleaning out the automatic water bowl, when a male wallaby hops over. Aussie was his name. I couldn't believe that this wallaby was just coming right up to me, so I yelled out to Alex (who was bottle feeding a camel nearby), "Hey, look how friendly this wallaby is!" Then he got closer. And closer. And then he grabbed me with his little t-rex arms. First I was like, "Oh, this is cool. A wallaby is hugging me." Until that wallaby hug turned into full-on, attempted rape, that is.

I tried pushing him off, thinking "He has little t-rex arms. I can take him." I learned that day that one ought not underestimate t-rex arms. He latched on like he was fighting for his life and kept humping away.

And what was my dear boyfriend doing during this unfortunate event? Laughing. Laughing his stupid, Asian face off. Typical.

I wasn't freed from Aussie's grasp until my boss came out and rescued me. She was quite experienced in deterring horny wallabies.

Later, I learned that not all male wallabies try to rape humans. Just Aussie. Because Aussie had neurological problems. Or something. Something was just not right about him. He had a weird twitchy thing he did, and he was obsessed with sticks. And was horny for humans.

So I just want you to know that unless you meet a wallaby named Aussie, you should be safe from wallaby rape.